I am at that point where self destruction seems reasonable. Where starvation and pain is just the catalyst needed to start on the path towards being normal. Someone who is finally seen. Included. Wanted by all, not just the very few. Is this the compromise that is needed? Suffer and join the mundanes. Or do nothing and continue to feel like nothing?

I am tired of being whatever …this…is.


For me, the past is never resolved.  No matter the issue or how long ago. My feelings towards one event or another remain. There is no conclusion. Only a slight pause until that day when a word, a dream, or a smell takes me back. There is no real escape. No conclusion.

Oh, bother.

Apathy is slowly consuming that part of me that was once empathic. Insightful. Curious. Dare I say ambitious.

Everything now is a chore beyond my mental and physical capabilities.

I just want to care enough to change into something better than this.